I don't really know very much about politics, economics, ecology, bioethics, and the list goes on.

But I have been able to observe in my 8 years with helping families in La Leche League and 21 years in Early Childhood Education (18 as the director of a center) the phenomenon of bonding and the important continuum of a close, responsive parent-child relationship. This relationship is the basis for all other relationships the child will have and is also the basis for the child's perception of self- worth. To ensure vital relationships and self-worth sound like a good foundation for improving the world, to me. So, how can we improve the world, from infancy, one person at a time?

To begin, a baby should be nursed, for many reasons-- it establishes bonding, is nutritionally optimal, encourages parent-child eye contact and skin to skin contact, develops a child's visual tracking, widens the palate to make room for the child's teeth, discourages allergies, lowers hospital visits for dehydration by half in the first year. It also restores the mother's pre-pregnancy condition faster and more naturally, and is more economical.

When a baby is nursed, she is more likely to be picked up and held for longer periods of time. Humans are, after all mammals, and have the basic need for contact.

So far, so good, but sadly, we live in a culture which sells products, not good ideas. Baby carrying tubs, room monitors, fancy cribs with fancy bumpers, and the pervasive and alarmingly early introduction of videos and electronic gadget babysitters (often disguised as educational tools) encourage parents to be more and more removed from a baby when contact is emotionally and intellectually essential. When the child is talked to, sung to and read to by an actual human being, she will have the reward of immediate feedback to her responding sounds and movements instead of a preprogrammed script. Good rule of thumb, if it separates you from your baby, buy a picture book instead.

A cloth sling-type baby carrier enables the baby to encounter the world at a visually meaningful angle, encourages digestion, and keeps her close to her mother's (and father's) heartbeat. A room monitor is unnecessary if a baby sleeps in the family bed, where the mother looses little sleep when nursing at night. If the child becomes ill or is in distress, a parent is able to respond immediately. What if the child never wants to leave the family bed? (horrors!) Just ask parents who embraced this practice. Still circumspect? Remember that other cultures with close social and emotional bonds have been doing it this way through the ages, and our culture only abandoned the family bed with the rise of central heating.

Moving on: few common and SADLY MISGUIDED child-rearing fallacies brought to you by pop-psychology pandering to the ME-generation:

1. "Self-soothing technique". This is supposed to teach and INFANT to sooth herself to sleep instead of needing a parent's reassurance. What the child learns is basically to give up expressing her need for basic human comfort and closeness. Ask yourself if, when you have recently lost a job or a loved one, or even just feel lonely, would rather "self-soothe" or have someone comfort you. (sure, go ahead, self-soothing might involve medications or alcohol, and isn't that better?) Although this should be a no-brainer, it might trigger a parent's fear that your 30 year old will still be living in your basement. But here's the thing, you could no more "hurry up" the process of a child learning independence by giving her the keys to the car at five, than you could by teaching an infant not to miss your closeness. If in any doubt, google Harry Harlow's cloth monkey experiments. Worth repeating--we are basically hard-wired as mammals.

2. "Never let your child manipulate you." Naturally you MUST set reasonable limits for your child, which are often dictated by simple safety (not playing with fire) or societal expectations (not grabbing things out of people's hands.) Beyond that, limits are still basically common sense, and should never be delivered arbitrarily. Children are NOT evil little demon manipulators, but they are miniature persons who are trying to learn to control their environment. This basic human skill is necessary for survival and a feeling of competence. Yes, you do have to set limits, but give her reasonable choices too. It is the only way she can learn cause and effect and the consequences of her choices. For every "no" give two possible, more appropriate "yesses". This actually teaches a child to channel her desires, urges and needs into positive experiences.

3. "Hierarchy of Importance" aka "My needs, my spouses' needs...our relationship comes first". This is a prime example of polar thinking at it's worst. IF ANYBODY LOOSES, NOBODY WINS in this scenario. Remember, you are the adult, you are most likely to be able to imagine a solution in which everyone's needs are met, and you are also more capable of deferring your desires, and mustering resources when the going gets rough. The corollary of this one is "I need a life". You have chosen one, congratulations, you are a parent.

Beyond that, what can you teach children that will help make the world a better place?

1. ENCOURAGE EMPOWERMENT Focus on solutions. Ecology can begin simply by asking her the question, "Let's see, how do you think we can use this egg carton again?" 12 different children will have as many responses.

2. BE THERE - LIVE Never teach by remote what you can do hands-on. The SHOW in show-and-tell is important. Don't expect schools to do a complete job in giving your child worthwhile experiences with nature, for example. (or anything else.) Take walks on the beach, in the woods. Bend down and pick something up to look at it closer. A child would rather you sing to her in your own tone-deaf voice and take her hand to dance around with abandon than hear/watch a canned CD or video.

3. SHOW, DON'T TELL - this used to be called being a "good example". If you want a child to be physically healthy, eat sensibly and be active yourself. If you read, you will grow a good reader. If you are curious you will grow a good learner. If you express appreciation for her efforts, she will be appreciative. If your are a good friend your child will learn the value of friendships. If you give your resources and your time joyfully your child will learn to value generosity.

4. "HOLD THEM VERY TIGHT- THEN LET THEM GO". - Your child is not a mini-you. Encourage her own individual interests and pursuits. Respect her own likes, dislikes, emotional expressions. A child who bonds early and often with a parent will be better able to handle choices and freedoms that gradually become appropriate to her development. You are the bow, she is the arrow. Eventually, you need to let her go to find the target on her own.

5. PREJUDICED? Keep examining yours, including and beyond race, gender, religion. Consider economic status, education, occupation, body type. Extend your own list. Ask yourself if by ANY of your behaviors, words or attitudes you are teaching your child that some people are more valuable than others. Adjust as necessary.

6. ENJOY this unique person and amazing time in your life. Children do need quality time, they need QUANTITIES of quality time. I never heard a parent who, with the perspective of years, said, "I wish I spent LESS time with my child". Have your second childhood early. Be the creative person you always wanted to be. Play.

So, that's my take on how to encourage a more peaceful world. Hope we get going in that direction.