EXERCISING GRACE

A year ago, a process started. Big, brave steps were about to be taken. And I knew I needed to find a way to walk them. So I chose to walk them...gracefully.

I'm not sure where it came from, but suddenly this word--this fabulous, soothing, balancing word--came into my head and stuck. Graceful.

When I remind myself, I picture standing on the edge of a cliff with wide open blue skies in front of and below me. My arms outstretched, eyes closed, I take a deep breath and fall slowly forward. I just let go...gracefully.

I never see what happens next. I just let the feeling take me...let go. Whatever is going to happen will, there isn't very much I can do about it. Except be brave. Except be kind. Except be graceful.

And so I have been.

The eight-year relationship I ended last spring has transformed into an often-comfortable friendship. The house I bought on my own vibrates with creative and happy energy. The business continues to support and surprise me.

There is a certain serendipity in letting go and allowing things to just happen this way. In doing so, I have discovered new friends, and old friends. I have faced tiny fears and big fears. I have learned new things and seen new sights. I am calmer. And happier.

Today, in the midst of renovations interrupted by snow storms and leaking roofs, I thought about graceful. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and decided to shovel out the driveway--shovel out the knot in my stomach. And then, a truck pulled up. "Need a plow?" he asked.

Graceful out. Graceful in.

It's cold outside. The tarp across my roof is dancing in the wind and snow. My driveway is plowed, my walkways shoveled, and I am off for a nap.

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